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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28754259">22 Homos And Their Sexy Friend Lucas</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/taeiliebby/pseuds/taeiliebby'>taeiliebby</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>NCT (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Chatting &amp; Messaging, I'm Sorry, I'm not funny, Mark Lee (NCT) is a Mess, Multi, OT23 (NCT), Textfic, Trans Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten, Trans Male Character, but the hyung line is in such a love dodechadron, chatfic, honeybunches, i'm really not funny m sorry, it's a dodecahedron you absolute buffoon, it's not actually everyone/everyone, mmm this is what i get for being sleep deprived 24/7, n e ways mental state go brr brr, n e ways stan nct and svt i guess, pov: you're renjun and your bestie just ate glue, sweetie, tWeNtY fOuR sEvEn - wonwoo, that i just said fuck it, they all wanna give each other a lil smooch, what in the everloving fuck is an dodechadron, wowie i'm illiterate, xuxi eats inedible things and everyone worries about his mental wellbeing</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 04:09:11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,726</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28754259</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/taeiliebby/pseuds/taeiliebby</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p><b>daegal's dad</b>: i accidentally put an entire hose in my mouth</p><p><b>nanananabatman</b>: i accidentally ate the whole of america</p><p><b>junnie</b>: do y'all ever just see a hanger and go "damn i thought that was an apple"</p><p><b>xushi</b>: I HAD A BLANKET IN MY MOUTH LIKE A NORMAL PERSON RIGHT ACCEDENTALLY BIT A PIECE AND SWALLOWED IT</p><p><b>marcus lee</b>: in conclusion<br/><b>marcus lee</b>: lucas is three months old</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Everyone/Everyone</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>25</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. That One Time Lucas Ate Inanimate Objects and Everyone Wanted to Commit Die</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is a rewrite/rebranding of my first ever NCT fic called "I'm so confused, what?"  - Mark Lee which was.... not super great. I wrote it like two years ago, had never done any text fics, and thought i was funny when i really wasn't. So uh here's this.</p><p>I'm aware that all of nct are not homos but 21 Homos and Their Sexy Friends Xiaojun and Chenle didn't have the same ring to it.</p>
    </blockquote><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>pov: you're renjun and your best friend literally cannot keep inedible items out of his mouth it's like a legitimate problem</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>
    <em>this is a hate crime</em>
  </b>
</p><p>[6:43 PM]</p><p><strong>pwark maknae </strong>is online</p><p><strong>daegal's dad</strong>: omg look guys it's the loml</p><p><strong>pwark maknae</strong>: omg it's the loml</p><p><strong>nanananabatman</strong>: its me obviously</p><p><strong>pwark maknae</strong>: haha you fucken thought</p><p><strong>xushi</strong>: I ALMOST ATE SLIME AGAIN</p><p><strong>pwark maknae</strong>: i'm sorry what</p><p><strong>daegal's dad</strong>: again?</p><p><strong>nanananabatman</strong>: Again?</p><p><strong>xushi</strong>: YES</p><p><strong>doie to my yong</strong>: i'M sorry whAT<br/>
<strong>doie to my yong</strong>: WHY HAS THERE BEEN MULTIPLE OCCASIONS</p><p><strong>xushi</strong>: CAUSE IM A DUMBASS</p><p><strong>yong to my doie</strong>: hold ip how do you ALMOST EAT slime</p><p><strong>marcus lee</strong>: I feel like this chat is the epitome of what the fuck is going on</p><p><strong>pwark maknae</strong>: how many times warrants an again</p><p><strong>xushi</strong>: YOU ACEDNTALLY QLMOST PUT IT IN YOUR MOUTH</p><p><strong>junnie</strong>: what is happening-</p><p><strong>xushi</strong>: ACTUALLY THIS IS THE FIRST TIME IT ALMOST HAPPENS<br/>
<strong>xushi</strong>: ALL THE OTHER TIMES I ACTUALLY DO IT</p><p><strong>daegal's dad</strong>: im slightly concerned</p><p><strong>doie to my yong</strong>: HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU DONE THIS IM SO FJDCKIN DONE</p><p><strong>group braincell</strong>: YOU ALMOST ATE SLIME?</p><p><strong>snoopywoo</strong>: ngl he's done it like almost 10 times</p><p><strong>group braincell</strong>: hOW-<br/>
<strong>group braincell</strong>: HUANG YUKHEI<br/>
<strong>group braincell</strong>: NO</p><p><strong>doie to my yong</strong>: THAT'S NOT HEALTHY SIR</p><p><strong>junnie</strong>: 10</p><p><strong>yong to my doie</strong>: T E N?</p><p><strong>junnie</strong>: SHOULDNT YOU KNOW BETTER BY NOW<br/>
<strong>junnie</strong>: FUCKING DUMBASS</p><p><strong>xushi</strong>: IT HAPPENS ACEDENTALLY</p><p><strong>daegal's dad</strong>: ACCIDENTALLY??<br/>
<strong>daegal's dad</strong>: HOW</p><p><strong>pwark maknae</strong>: H O W</p><p><strong>marcus lee</strong>: WHAT THE FUCK HOW</p><p><strong>xushi</strong>: JUST LIKE ALMOST SWALLOWING YOUR HEADPHONES</p><p><strong>junnie</strong>: DOES YOUR BRAIN JUST TURN OFF AND YOUR PRIMAL MONKEY BRAIN THINKS<br/>
<strong>junnie</strong>: MMM TASTY SLIME</p><p><strong>doie to my yong</strong>: THATS- SHAT</p><p><strong>group braincell</strong>: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH THE SLIME</p><p><strong>daegal's dad</strong>: SNDNNZNS RENJUN</p><p><strong>yong to my doie</strong>: SWALLOWING YOUR FUCKING HEADPHONES?</p><p><strong>xushi</strong>: Y E S</p><p><strong>junnie</strong>: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU</p><p><strong>pwark maknae</strong>: lol, why and HOW would that be an ACCIDENT</p><p><strong>marcus lee</strong>: I,,, have never seen anyone do that before</p><p><strong>pwark maknae</strong>: I bet the superm chat isn't as cool as us<br/>
<strong>pwark maknae</strong>: eating headphones and shit</p><p><strong>xushi</strong>: ITS SOMETHING TGAT HAPPENS WITHOUT YOU REALIZING</p><p><strong>junnie</strong>: Mark you should send a screenshot to let the others know just how chaotic this chat is</p><p><strong>daegal's dad</strong>: let them know what true sm clownery is</p><p><strong>marcus lee</strong>: yeethaw</p><p><strong>yong to my doie</strong>: anyway back to Lucas<br/>
<strong>yong to my doie</strong>: WHO EVEN ARE YOU</p><p><strong>group braincell</strong>: XUXI ILY BUT YOU'RE A LITERAL DUMBASS</p><p><strong>snoopywoo</strong>: my dumbass &gt;:(</p><p><strong>daegal's dad</strong>: KUN GE FHDHDH</p><p><strong>xushi</strong>: I ALSO ALMOST ATE MY PHONE CASE</p><p><strong>hendairy</strong>: lucas isnt a dumbass</p><p><strong>doie to my yong</strong>: hOw and wHy</p><p><strong>hendairy</strong>: hes just<br/>
<strong>hendairy</strong>: quirky</p><p><strong>pwark maknae</strong>: BEIBWJS</p><p><strong>junnie</strong>: HOW TF DO YOU EAT A PHONE CASE</p><p><strong>yong to my doie</strong>: HOW</p><p><strong>nanananabatman</strong>: we're all quirky here</p><p><strong>yong to my doie</strong>: DO YOU EAT<br/>
<strong>yong to my doie</strong>: A FUCKING PHONE CASE</p><p><strong>xushi</strong>: YOU PUT IT IN YOUR MOUTH THINKING ITS FOOD</p><p><strong>snoopywoo</strong>: it just<br/>
<strong>snoopywoo</strong>: happens</p><p><strong>nanananabatman</strong>: it eez what it eez</p><p><strong>daegal's dad</strong>: it eez what it eez</p><p><strong>marcus lee</strong>: it eez what it eez</p><p><strong>xushi</strong>: CHEW IT<br/>
<strong>xushi</strong>: AND ALMOST SWALLOW IT</p><p><strong>junnie</strong>: Lucas P L E A S E</p><p><strong>group braincell</strong>: JUST ABOUT TO YEEET MYSELF OOF A CLIFF<br/>
<strong>group braincell</strong>: HOW THE LITERAL FUCK?!?!?!</p><p><strong>yong to my doie</strong>: LUCAS SWEETIE IM CONCERNED</p><p><strong>snoopywoo</strong>: I think it's important to note that Lucas just swallowed slime again</p><p><strong>xushi</strong>: SHIT WOO WHY DID YOU TELL THEM</p><p><strong>group braincell</strong>: X U X I</p><p><strong>yong to my doie</strong>: s t o p</p><p><strong>doie to my yong</strong>: AGAIN??</p><p><strong>daegal's dad</strong>: LMAOOOO</p><p><strong>pwark maknae</strong>: IM DECEASED DBSHOQHDU</p><p><strong>xushi</strong>: I THINK IT AINT TOXIC<br/>
<strong>xushi</strong>: ITS ELMERS</p><p><strong>junnie</strong>: this is what drugs do to you</p><p><strong>doie to my yong</strong>: YOURE EATING FUCKING GLUR E LUCAS<br/>
<strong>doie to my yong</strong>: GLUE<br/>
<strong>doie to my yong</strong>: GLUE IS TOXIC</p><p><strong>junnie</strong>: I KNOW THE COCAIN IS YUMMY BUT I BEG YOU XUXI YOU GOTTA STOP SMOKING CRACK THIS IS WHAT IT DOES TO YOU</p><p><strong>xushi</strong>: ITS ELMERS THO</p><p><strong>group braincell</strong>: nO</p><p><strong>xushi</strong>: I DONT DO DRUGS</p><p><strong>pwark maknae</strong>: its the flue yall</p><p><strong>daegal's dad</strong>: ITS THE GLUE AKDUSBSISHSB</p><p><strong>junnie</strong>: do you like<br/>
<strong>junnie</strong>: not have part of your brain?</p><p><strong>xushi</strong>: I FEEL THE GLIE BEING SWALLOWED</p><p><strong>group braincell</strong>: XU XI</p><p><strong>yong to my doie</strong>: SIR</p><p><strong>marcus lee</strong>: k this has been a vibe<br/>
<strong>marcus lee</strong>: i'm gonna go bash my head into wall now<br/>
<strong>marcus lee</strong>: gain back some braincells</p><p><strong>nanananabatman</strong>: by wall he means hyuck's thighs<br/>
<strong>nanananabatman</strong>: eyyyyy up top</p><p><strong>marcus lee</strong>: die.</p><p><strong>xushi</strong>: THE GLUE IS DRY EEEEWWWW</p><p><strong>daegal's dad</strong>: xuxi ge im like legitimately concerned for your mental being</p><p><strong>xushi</strong>: ITS USUALLY A DIFFERENT TEXTURE</p><p>[7:06 PM]</p><p><strong>xushi</strong> is online</p><p><strong>xushi</strong>: IM CHOCKING ON BLANKET FUZZ<br/>
<strong>xushi</strong>: FUCK</p><p><strong>group braincell</strong>: oh my goooddd<br/>
<strong>group braincell</strong>: HOW<br/>
<strong>group braincell</strong>: DID YOU GET BLANKET FUZZ<br/>
<strong>group braincell</strong>: IN YOUR FUCKING MOUTH</p><p><strong>pwark maknae</strong>: "i acidentally grabbed a glass plate and accidentally chewed it"</p><p><strong>doie to my yong</strong>: HUN TAKE IT OUT AND KEEP UR MOUTH CLOSED ZLWBDKS<br/>
<strong>doie to my yong</strong>: OR GET SOMETHING OH I DONT KNOW EDIBLE?????</p><p><strong>daegal's dad</strong>: i accidentally put an entire hose in my mouth</p><p><strong>nanananabatman</strong>: I accidentally ate the whole of USA</p><p><strong>junnie</strong>: do y'all ever just see a hanger and go "damn i thought it was an apple"</p><p><strong>xushi</strong>: I HAD MY BLANKET IN MY MOUTH LIKE A NORMAL PERSON RIGHT ACCENDENTALLY BIT OF A PIECE AND SWALLOWED IT</p><p><strong>marcus lee</strong>: in conclusion<br/>
<strong>marcus lee</strong>: lucas is three months old</p><p><strong>doie to my yong</strong>: NORMAL PEOPLE DONT PUT BLANKETS IN THEIR MOUTH</p><p><strong>xushi</strong>: MY HEAD HURTS CASUSE OF THE GLUE</p><p><strong>daegal's dad</strong>: Bruh that ball of yarn do be lookin good tho</p><p><strong>nanananabatman</strong>: I accidentally swallowed the chalk while writing on the chalk board :( oops there goes the rubber too</p><p><strong>doie to my yong</strong>: WELL THEN MAYBE DON'T FUCKING EAT IT</p><p><strong>xushi</strong>: ACTUALLY I JAVE EATEN CHALK BEFORE</p><p><strong>group braincell</strong>: W H Y</p><p><strong>junnie</strong>: OF COURSE YOU HAVE</p><p><strong>xushi</strong>: I THOUGHT IT WAS CANDY</p><p><strong>marcus lee</strong>: Lucas the question is. what have you not eaten?</p><p><strong>junnie</strong>: okay wait thats normal</p><p><strong>yong to my doie</strong>: Okay that one's actually kinda valid</p><p><strong>doie to my yong</strong>: Wait he has an alibi?</p><p><strong>daegal's dad</strong>: Ive never ate chalk but like ive licked the powder that comes off</p><p><strong>xushi</strong>: I GRABED ANOTHER PNE AFTER IT CAUSE IT WAS GOOD</p><p><strong>doie to my yong</strong>: GOD DAMMIT</p><p><strong>pwark maknae</strong>: Lucas hyung you scare me</p><p><strong>xushi</strong>: AND THEN STARTED COUGHING OUT RAINBOW POWDER<br/>
<strong>xushi</strong>: I THOUGHT IT WAS MY GAY AWAKENING</p><p><strong>junnie</strong>: lmao take a shot everytime xuxi eats something he shouldn't</p><p><strong>xushi</strong>: TURNS OUT IT WAS RHE CHALK</p><p><strong>daegal's dad</strong>: XUXI GE SHOULD BE ON MY STRANGE ADDICTION</p><p><strong>nanananabatman</strong>: we really out here bullying Lucas</p><p><strong>junnie</strong>: it's just so easy to clown him</p><p><strong>magnum dong(hyuck)</strong> is online</p><p><strong>magnum dong(hyuck)</strong>: hello fellow crackheads</p><p><strong>xushi</strong>: SHITTTTTT<br/>
<strong>xushi</strong>: I ATE PAINT</p><p><strong>magnum dong(hyuck)</strong>: goodbye fellow crackheads</p><p><strong>magnum dong(hyuck)</strong> is offline</p><p><strong>xushi</strong>: IT TASTES LIKE GOOD THO</p><p><strong>doie to my yong</strong>: I LITERALLY CANT WITH YOU<br/>
<strong>doie to my yong</strong>: HOW DO YOU EVEN<br/>
<strong>doie to my yong</strong>: WHAT</p><p><strong>group braincell</strong>: HOW</p><p><strong>yong to my doie</strong>: Lucas please</p><p><strong>xushi</strong>: I THOUGHT THERE WAS NUTELLA ON THE WALL</p><p><strong>marcus lee</strong>: crackhead hourssss</p><p><strong>xushi</strong>: SO I LIKED IT</p><p><strong>junnie</strong>: I PUT MY PHONE DOWN FOR TWO SECONDS AND YOU'RE EATING PAINT</p><p><strong>xushi</strong>: AND IT ENDED UP BEING BROWN PAINT</p><p><strong>marcus lee</strong>: petition to end this whole chat pls</p><p><strong>xushi</strong>: IT STILL TASTES GOOD THO</p><p><strong>pwark maknae</strong>: petition for Lucas hyung to stop in general</p><p><strong>daegal's dad</strong>: i wonder what the superm chat would say about this</p><p><strong>nanananabatman</strong>: Lucas: *exists*<br/>
<strong>nanananabatman</strong>: everyone else: FUCKING AGAIN</p><p><strong>xushi</strong>: MY HEAD HURTS</p><p><strong>group braincell</strong>: XUXI sit on ur hands. and close ur mouth<br/>
<strong>group braincell</strong>: for your personal safety</p><p><strong>daegal's dad</strong>: its a hell hole here. Xuxi ge adopt me so we can eat non edible things together</p><p><strong>group braincell</strong>: im adopting both of you bc i can't trust either of you alone</p><p><strong>yong to my doie</strong>: me too</p><p><strong>daegal's dad</strong>: pfffffttt im trustworthy</p><p><strong>pwark maknae</strong>: no ur not</p><p><strong>junnie</strong>: no ur not</p><p><strong>xushi</strong>: no your not</p><p><strong>doie to my yong</strong>: no ur not</p><p><strong>yong to my doie</strong>: no ur not</p><p><strong>group braincell</strong>: no ur not</p><p><strong>daegal's dad</strong>: understandable, have a nice day.</p><p><strong>doie to my yong</strong>: kun, taeyong and I are your parents now</p><p>[7:20 PM]</p><p><strong>xushi</strong>: WHAT DO I DO IF I EAT WAX</p><p><strong>group braincell</strong>: WHY ARE YOU EATING FUCKING WAX</p><p><strong>junnie</strong>: wax isn't toxic<br/>
<strong>junnie</strong>: you're fine<br/>
<strong>junnie</strong>: sadly</p><p><strong>xushi</strong>: I BIT A CRAYON THATS WHY</p><p><strong>doie to my yong</strong>: WHY QRE YOU EATINF A FUCKING C R A Y O N</p><p><strong>xushi</strong>: IT LOOKED GOOD<br/>
<strong>xushi</strong>: BABY WOO AND I WERE COLORING</p><p><strong>yong to my doie</strong>: need a scented candle, im literally about to have another aneurysm</p><p><strong>doie to my yong</strong>: get me lavender plz thanks</p><p><strong>daegal's dad</strong>: Bruh the Dreamies aren't allowed to have scented candles</p><p><strong>xushi</strong>: ME EITHER</p><p><strong>group braincell</strong>: CUZ YOU'D PROBABLY EAT THEM</p><p><strong>junnie</strong>: I WONDER WHY</p><p><strong>xushi</strong>: KUN DOESN'T TRUST ME WITH STUFF<br/>
<strong>xushi</strong>: I DUNNO WHY</p><p><strong>junnie</strong>: YEAH I FUCKING WONDER<br/>
<strong>junnie</strong>: MR. I ATE SLIME 10 FUCKING TIMES</p><p><strong>xushi</strong>: *11</p><p><strong>doie to my yong</strong>: GOD FUCKING DAMIT</p><p><strong>xushi</strong>: ALMOST ATE IT LIKE FIVE</p><p><strong>junnie</strong>: YOU MAKE MY BRAIN HURT</p><p><strong>group braincell</strong>: ALRIGHT THAT'S IT LUCAS IS BANNED FROM TOUCHING A N Y T H I N G</p><p>[11:49 PM]</p><p><strong>double y</strong>: glue taste good</p><p><strong>xushi</strong>: RIGHT<br/>
<strong>xushi</strong>: I LOVE EATING SLIME<br/>
<strong>xushi</strong>: ITS YUMMY</p><p><strong>double y</strong>: and the ultimate is crayons with glue<br/>
<strong>double y</strong>: ugh that's good shit</p><p><strong>xushi</strong>: YALL GLUE HATERS</p><p><strong>double y</strong>: for dessert I love that paper<br/>
<strong>double y</strong>: A+ quality</p><p><strong>xushi</strong>: I LIKE NAPKINS<br/>
<strong>xushi</strong>: AND PHONE CASES</p><p><strong>group braincell</strong>: If you two don't fucking shut up and go to bed I will whup your ass so hard you'll go flying to the fucking moon</p><p><strong>double y</strong>: pffttt you and what army old man?</p><p><strong>group braincell</strong>: I'll take away that stash of nicotine you think you've been cleverly hididng</p><p><strong>xushi</strong> is offline<br/>
<strong>double y</strong> is offline</p><p><strong>group braincell</strong>: that's what i fucking thought</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>also in case it wasn't obvious, doie to my yong is doyoung, yong to my doie is taeyong, and group braincell is kun. the other ones should be pretty obvious</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. at what temperature do poptarts freeze? seriously i need to know it's a serious questi-</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p><strong>bambi</strong>: okay but what if I wrote us into like a Friends/Seinfeld/Big Bang theory sitcome in which we al live in the same apartment building and get into</p><p><strong>bambi</strong>: wacky shenanigans</p><p> </p><p><strong>moomin rights</strong>: say that again and on god jung sungchan today will be your last</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>bambi</b>: bunch of fucking malarkey</p><p> </p><p><strong>jisung's mom</strong>: m a l a r k e y</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hola seggsys it's me your local crackhead with more fun times </p><p>Someone put me out of my misery :D</p><p>also like about half of this was stolen from my group chat with my real life besties so if any of you see this no I'm not sorry Rachel.</p><p>demon maknaes (and shotaro):<br/>kboo - mark<br/>moomin rights - renjun<br/>nono - jeno<br/>michael jackson incarnate - hyuck<br/>jisung's mom - jaemin<br/>kun's least favorite - yangyang<br/>taro taro - shotaro<br/>bambi - sungchan<br/>dolphin kin - chenle<br/>dancey pants - jisung</p><p>this is a hate crime:<br/>double y - yangyang<br/>group braincell - kun<br/>marcus lee - mark<br/>daegal's dad - chenle</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> <strong>demon maknaes (and Shotaro)</strong> </em>
</p><p> </p><p><strong>michael jackson incarnate</strong>: I Think I Will Cause Problems On Purpose</p><p> </p><p><strong>moomin rights</strong>: problems????</p><p> </p><p><strong>kun's least favorite</strong>: on purpose?? :)</p><p> </p><p><strong>kboo</strong>: oh god my brat meter just went off</p><p><strong>kboo</strong>: OKAY WHO CHANgeD MY NAME </p><p><strong>kboo</strong>: I"M NOT A KBOO </p><p> </p><p><strong>moonmin rights</strong>: shut up kboo</p><p> </p><p><strong>kboo</strong>: I AM???? KOREAN????</p><p> </p><p><strong>nono</strong>: shut up kboo</p><p> </p><p><strong>michael jackson incarnate</strong>: BACK TO ME</p><p><strong>michael jackson incarnate</strong>: n e ways yangie wanna help me put nair in ten hyung's shampoo?</p><p> </p><p><strong>kun's least favorite</strong>: why?</p><p> </p><p><strong>michael jackson incarnate</strong>: he ate the last ramen </p><p> </p><p><strong>kun's least favorite</strong>: oh fire</p><p><strong>kun's least favorite</strong>: sure why not i'm so dowsdhuwegewfhs</p><p> </p><p><strong>moomin rights</strong>: oh my fucking god she fucking dead</p><p> </p><p><strong>kun's least favorite</strong>: Put Nair in my shampoo and I can guarantee you Will Not Last Another Day &lt;3</p><p> </p><p><strong>michael jackson incarnate</strong>: well maybe you shouldnt of eaten my rAMEN</p><p> </p><p><strong>kun's least favorite</strong>: Oh Boy What A Great Day To Commit Genocide.</p><p> </p><p><strong>michael jackson incarnate</strong>: you can't do anything to me yo</p><p> </p><p><strong>dolphin kin</strong>: oh my god you've killed her</p><p> </p><p><strong>kun's least favorite</strong>: And I'd to it again pow poweugdewgsjcdhdscs</p><p><strong>kun's least favorite</strong>: I GOT MY PHONE BACK</p><p> </p><p><strong>kboo</strong>: noooo go bakc to Ten i like him</p><p> </p><p><strong>kun's least favorite</strong>: </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> <strong>this is a hate crime</strong> </em>
</p><p> </p><p><strong>double y</strong>: MOMMMMMMMMM</p><p> </p><p><strong>group braincell</strong>: i'm not your mom.</p><p> </p><p><strong>double y</strong>: MARK HYUNG IS DOING A HATE CRIME</p><p> </p><p><strong>marcus lee</strong>: i said i liked ten better than you how is that a hate crime </p><p> </p><p><strong>group braincell</strong>: yangyang everyone likes ten better than you</p><p><strong>group braincell</strong>: you're annoying as shit</p><p> </p><p><strong>double y</strong>: i'm gonna cry</p><p> </p><p><strong>daegal's dad</strong>: haha loser</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>demon maknaes (and Shotaro)</strong>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p><strong>bambi</strong>: y'all wild i swear</p><p><strong>bambi</strong>: could make a sitcom out of the shit that comes out of y'alls mouths</p><p> </p><p><strong>jisung's mom</strong>: omg wait youre so right</p><p> </p><p><strong>nono</strong>: Oh Fuck Oh God </p><p><strong>nono</strong>: na fucking jaemin put down that fucking camera</p><p> </p><p><strong>jisung's mom</strong>: youre not even in the room? how tf did yous ee me</p><p> </p><p><strong>nono</strong>: my jaem senses went off</p><p><strong>nono</strong>: like spiderman</p><p><strong>nono</strong>: except i'm jaemin's man</p><p> </p><p><strong>moomin rights</strong>: that was disgusting</p><p> </p><p><strong>jisung's mom</strong>: do it again.</p><p> </p><p><strong>moomin rights</strong>: do it again and i will scoop your eyes out with an tea spoon &lt;3</p><p> </p><p><strong>bambi</strong>: okay but what if I wrote us into like a Friends/Seinfeld/Big Bang theory sitcome in which we al live in the same apartment building and get into</p><p><strong>bambi</strong>: wacky shenanigans</p><p> </p><p><strong>moomin rights</strong>: say that again and on god jung sungchan today will be your last</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>bambi</b>: bunch of fucking malarkey
</p><p> </p><p><strong>jisung's mom</strong>: m a l a r k e y</p><p> </p><p><strong>nono</strong>: stop</p><p><strong>nono</strong>: i ahte it </p><p> </p><p><strong>bambi</strong>: anyways like </p><p><strong>bambi</strong>: me and taro can share an apartment, markhyuck hyungs share one, chenji share one, and then norenmin hyungs can share one</p><p> </p><p><strong>moomin rights</strong>: boutta hear a whole lot of fucking from ours </p><p> </p><p><strong>nono</strong>: there somethin you wanna tell me??</p><p> </p><p><strong>moomin rights</strong>: yeah get over here and gimme a kith</p><p> </p><p><strong>nono</strong>: o h</p><p> </p><p><strong>bambi</strong>: the first episode plot is that we're trying to start a fan fiction book club</p><p> </p><p><strong>kboo</strong>: Ah yes I'd want to share one with Hyuck's nasty ass</p><p> </p><p><strong>michael jackson incarnate</strong>: MY NASTY ASS??</p><p><strong>michael jackson incarnate</strong>: MINE????</p><p><strong>michael jackson incarnate</strong>: I'M SORRY DID YO U SAY SMTH?? COULDNT HEARYOU OVER THE SHIT SMELL IN YOUR DORM</p><p> </p><p><strong>kboo</strong>: i-</p><p><strong>kboo</strong>: okay</p><p> </p><p><strong>dolphin kin</strong>: i've stopped my lurking to say sungchan bestie this idea is great im loving it so far</p><p><strong>dolphin kin</strong>: i can bring uhhh every cursed fanfiction ive had to read with my own two eyes</p><p> </p><p><strong>bambi</strong>: the onnly other plot idea I have is whereI buy every flavor of poptart for science</p><p> </p><p><strong>moomin rights</strong>: </p><p><strong>moomin rights</strong>: "for science"</p><p> </p><p><strong>bambi</strong>: gotta learn what each poptart tastes like at different temperatures!</p><p> </p><p><strong>michael jackson incarnate</strong>: i'll change my name to uhhhh idk mark for this</p><p><strong>michael jackson incarnate</strong>: gotta get that white boy name</p><p> </p><p><strong>kboo</strong>: wait but i'm mark-</p><p> </p><p><strong>michael jackson incarnate</strong>: not anymore &lt;3</p><p><strong>michael jackson incarnate</strong>: idenetity theft &lt;3</p><p> </p><p><strong>jisung's mom</strong>: oh lol</p><p><strong>jisung's mom</strong>: make the theme some the friends theme song except it's only clapping</p><p> </p><p><strong>bambi</strong>: alsowe live in a big city but we never clarify what city and purposefully say shit that contradicts each other </p><p> </p><p><strong>nono</strong>: ypu're make a franchise out of this shit wh y</p><p><strong>nono</strong>: might as well make a fucking movie or musical</p><p> </p><p><strong>bambi</strong>: YOUVE GOT THE RIGHT IDEA</p><p> </p><p><strong>nono</strong>: WAIT NO I WASNT SERIOUS-</p><p> </p><p><strong>bambi</strong>: AHAHAHAHAHAHAAH</p><p> </p><p><strong>jisung's mom</strong>: YES YES YES YES YES CHENLEEEEEEE GET THE KEYBOARDDDDDDD</p><p> </p><p><strong>nono</strong>: NA JAEMIN DONT MAKE A FUCKING MUSICAL OUT OF THIS SHIT</p><p> </p><p><strong>bambi</strong>: CHAIN LEE</p><p><strong>bambi</strong>: COME HELP</p><p> </p><p><strong>jisung's mom</strong>: TOO LATE THERE'S GON A BE A SONG ABOUT MICROWAVED PIPTARTS ITLL BR A HUGE CHORYS NUNVRT</p><p><strong>jisung's mom</strong>: THE CHORYS ARE THE PIPTARST</p><p> </p><p><strong>nono</strong>: motherfucker</p><p> </p><p><strong>moomin rights</strong>: And Jaem loss all cognitive functions</p><p> </p><p><strong>jisung's mom</strong>: :)))</p><p> </p><p><strong>taro taro</strong>: wh-</p><p><strong>taro taro</strong>: what did i miss ;-;</p><p> </p><p><strong>dancey pants</strong>: just....</p><p><strong>dancey pants</strong>: just don't ask...</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>had a ??? idk wasn't a ppanic attack but def something with anxiety during this </p><p>had nothing to do with it but yeah n e ways bye ig i'm gonna go back to my mental hovel and pretend that never happened</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. *cries*</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p><b>daegal's dad</b>: what make olive oil virgin?</p><p><b>daegal's dad</b>: how exactly does one un-virgin olive oil?</p><p> </p><p><b>jeffrey star</b>: cum in it?</p><p> </p><p><b>daegal's dad</b>: Actually, how do you make olive oil extra virgin?</p><p> </p><p><b>jeffrey star</b>: ... not being cummed in?</p><p> </p><p><b>pwark maknae</b>: fuck the olive oil babe live your dream</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hey there i'm back after like a month! and yes, i did steal my own conversations for this bc i have no creativity and my friends and I share half a braincell between all 6 of us. Plagiarism 100, i know.</p><p>did I make Ten ftm specifically so I had someone to say my texts because it is ~that period of time that every female wishes did not happen~? yeah maybe lol. However, I am not ftm (i'm quite honestly completely cis) so if I say anything insensitive or just incorrect please please please let me know! it's not my intention at all to say something indecent and rude towards the community :)</p><p>rachel i already know what you're gonna say and to that i say shhhhhhhhhh</p><p>n e ways enjoy the shit show!</p><p>furries + lucas:<br/>kun - kuwun<br/>ten - king catboy<br/>winwin -uwunuwun<br/>lucas - luwucas<br/>xiaojun - xiaowojuwun<br/>hendery - queen catboy<br/>yangyang - don't punch, that's homophobic</p><p>this is a hate crime:<br/>ten - group slut<br/>kun - group braincell<br/>johnny - johnson&amp;johnson<br/>taeyong - yong to my doie<br/>doyoung - doie to my yong<br/>jisung - pwark maknae<br/>chenle - daegal's dad<br/>jaehyun - jeffrey star</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <strong>Furries + Lucas</strong>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <strong>sheepsheep is online.</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>sheepsheep changes [7] names.</strong>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p><strong>kuwun</strong>: yangyang what is this?</p><p><strong>kuwun</strong>: yangyang what is this name.?</p><p> </p><p><strong>don't punch, that's homophobic</strong>: UWU</p><p> </p><p><strong>xiaowojuwun</strong>: why.</p><p><strong>xiaowojuwun</strong>: W H Y.</p><p><strong>xiaowojuwun</strong>: xuxi i see you lurking restrain the maknae so i can beat him with a wooden spoon</p><p> </p><p><strong>luwucas</strong>: .</p><p><strong>luwucas</strong>: can't sorry</p><p> </p><p><strong>xiaowojuwun</strong>: why not?</p><p> </p><p><strong>luwucas</strong>: i ahve been bribed :')</p><p> </p><p><strong>kuwun</strong>: xuxi....</p><p> </p><p><strong>luwucas</strong>: okay its not my fault</p><p> </p><p><strong>kuwun</strong>: ?</p><p> </p><p><strong>luwucas</strong>: yangyang bribed me with bella</p><p><strong>luwucas</strong>: he said he was gonna take her away from me for a week :(((</p><p> </p><p><strong>don't punch, that's homophobic</strong>: LUCAS DUDE WHAT THE FUCK</p><p><strong>don't punch, that's homophobic</strong>: uh i mean</p><p><strong>don't punch, that's homophobic</strong>: you dont have proof loser haha</p><p> </p><p><strong>uwunuwun</strong>: can confirm yangyang did indeed threaten to take away bella</p><p> </p><p><strong>don't punch, that's homophobic</strong>: cries cries fucking SOBS</p><p> </p><p><strong>uwunuwun</strong>: suffer.</p><p> </p><p><strong>king catboy</strong>: IM IN M M M M M M </p><p><strong>king catboy</strong>: M A S S I VE P A I N</p><p> </p><p><strong>don't punch, that's homophobic</strong>: oof, felt that</p><p> </p><p><strong>luwucas</strong>: as in me or you</p><p><strong>luwucas</strong>: ah nvm</p><p><strong>luwucas</strong>: yeah big oofs for you</p><p> </p><p><strong>king catboy</strong>: as in my uterus is attempting to commit sudoku &lt;3</p><p> </p><p><strong>kuwun</strong>: Oh Boy it's that time i see i see</p><p><strong>kuwun</strong>: k then i'm gonna go run out and get some stuff for you Tennie</p><p> </p><p><strong>king catboy</strong>: Kunnie have I ever mentioned how much I love you?</p><p><strong>king catboy</strong>: kith kith &lt;3&lt;3&lt;3&lt;3&lt;3</p><p> </p><p><strong>kuwun</strong>: yes yes i know you love me just as much as literally everyone else here you whore</p><p> </p><p><strong>king catboy</strong>: &lt;/3</p><p><strong>king catboy</strong>: it's called being ~polyamorous~</p><p> </p><p><strong>queen catboy</strong>: yo what's does polyamorous mean?</p><p> </p><p><strong>don't punch, that's homophobic</strong>: it means he speaks multiple languages</p><p> </p><p><strong>xiaowojuwun</strong>: no you dumbass that's a polyglot. polyamorous is an element</p><p> </p><p><strong>luwucas</strong>: nah nah that's polonium</p><p><strong>luwucas</strong>: it means to restrict the vibrations of a wave wholly or partially in one direction</p><p> </p><p><strong>uwunuwun</strong>: first of all how do you even know that?</p><p><strong>uwunuwun</strong>: second of all that's polarized you fucking idiot.</p><p><strong>uwunuwun</strong>: the google definition reads "characterized by or involved in the practice of engaging in multiple romantic (and typically sexaul) relationships with the consent of all people involced"</p><p> </p><p><strong>queen catboy</strong>: ooooooooooo</p><p><strong>queen catboy</strong>: there's a name for that???</p><p> </p><p><strong>don't punch, that's homophobic</strong>: bro i thught that was normal it isn't???</p><p> </p><p><strong>kuwun</strong>: just because everyone in this friend group is trying to fuck each other doesn't mean everyone in the world does, no</p><p><strong>kuwun</strong>: it's just that all of us seem to be lgbt (not you xuxi), and trying to fuck each other (also not you xuxi)</p><p> </p><p><strong>don't punch, that's homophobic</strong>: still sus of yukhei but k </p><p> </p><p><strong>king catboy</strong>: Have you ever just had the thought when you have cramps to just like punch it back</p><p><strong>king catboy</strong>: Oh you're gonna make me feel pain haha loser i'll make M E feel pain.</p><p> </p><p><strong>luwucas</strong>: YOU CANR HURT ME, ILL HURT MYSELF FIRST, TAKE HAT</p><p> </p><p><strong>king catboy</strong>: yeah basically</p><p><strong>king catboy</strong>: then i remember i have a low pain tolerance in geeral so its a bad idea to punch myself and then i curl up in a ball and try not to feel pain</p><p><strong>king catboy</strong>: it does not work.</p><p> </p><p><strong>queen catboy</strong>: oof</p><p> </p><p><strong>king catboy</strong>: the i get another cramp and go ah fuck it and softly bonk it </p><p><strong>king catboy</strong>: enough to show it who's boss without hurting myself</p><p> </p><p><strong>luwucas</strong>: good enough ig</p><p> </p><p><strong>king catboy</strong>: *cries*</p><p> </p><p><strong>luwucas</strong>: noo do't cry if you cry i cry </p><p> </p><p><strong>kuwun</strong>: don't cry Tennie i'm home i brough treats</p><p> </p><p><strong>king catboy</strong>: oh epic did u buy donuts</p><p> </p><p><strong>kuwun</strong>: no???</p><p> </p><p><strong>king catboy</strong>: .</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>this is a hate crime</strong>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p><strong>group slut</strong>: Hate Crime #2732: Kunnie didn't buy me donuts</p><p> </p><p><strong>group braincell</strong>: I BROUGHT YOU CHOCOLATE??? </p><p><strong>group braincell</strong>: I WENT THROUGH THE MF TAMPON/PAD AISLE FOR YOU</p><p> </p><p><strong>johnson&amp;johnson</strong>: i wouldve bought donuts for you ten</p><p> </p><p><strong>group braincell</strong>: then why don't you?</p><p> </p><p><strong>johnson&amp;johnson</strong>: </p><p><strong>johnson&amp;johnson</strong>: well nvm then</p><p><strong>johnson&amp;johnson</strong>: Hate Crime #2733: Kun sassed ME, an elder</p><p> </p><p><strong>group braincell</strong>: GOD DAMN IT I'M NOT DOING TJIS TODAY</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>Furries + Lucas</strong>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p><strong>king catboy</strong>: if i roll on my stomach I can suffocate my uterus, right?</p><p><strong>king catboy</strong>: that's how it works, right?</p><p> </p><p><strong>don't punch, that's homophobic</strong>: now i may not be a doctor, nor am i biologically female</p><p><strong>don't punch, that's homophobic</strong>: but i don't think your uterus has lungs</p><p> </p><p><strong>king catboy</strong>: shhhhhh suffocate the uterus</p><p> </p><p><strong>don't punch, that's homophobic</strong>: aight</p><p> </p><p><strong>king catboy</strong>: these cramps are transphobic smh </p><p> </p><p><strong>kuwun</strong>: uh huh sure babe </p><p> </p><p><strong>king catboy</strong>: someone watch ponyo with me :(</p><p> </p><p><strong>kuwun</strong>: yes lucas and yangyang, i did just see you scramble to ten's room</p><p> </p><p><strong>luwucas</strong>: okay fuck you</p><p> </p><p><strong>don't punch, that's homophobic</strong>: ponyo's the best ghibli film smh why would i miss the chance to watch it </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>this is a hate crime</strong>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p><strong>daegal's dad</strong>: yo who's the sexc culinary genius of the group</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>[5] people are online.</strong>
</p><p> </p><p><strong>doie to my yong</strong>: yes?</p><p> </p><p><strong>yong to my doie</strong>: yessir</p><p> </p><p><strong>group braincell</strong>: i can cook</p><p> </p><p><strong>jeffrey star</strong>: i can also cook</p><p> </p><p><strong>pwark maknae</strong>: i cant!</p><p> </p><p><strong>daegal's dad</strong>: i know bby it's okay tho your cute so it cancels out</p><p> </p><p><strong>doie to my yong</strong>: </p><p><strong>doie to my yong</strong>: what do you want chenle?</p><p> </p><p><strong>daegal's dad</strong>: OH RIGHT</p><p><strong>daegal's dad</strong>: what make olive oil virgin?</p><p><strong>daegal's dad</strong>: how exactly does one un-virgin olive oil?</p><p> </p><p><strong>jeffrey star</strong>: cum in it?</p><p> </p><p><strong>daegal's dad</strong>: Actually, how do you make olive oil extra virgin?</p><p> </p><p><strong>jeffrey star</strong>: ... not being cummed in?</p><p> </p><p><strong>pwark maknae</strong>: fuck the olive oil babe live your dream</p><p> </p><p><strong>daegal's dad</strong>: SHDFSKFGE</p><p><strong>daegal's dad</strong>: i don't wanna fuck olive oik, i'm asking how does olive oil become virgin</p><p><strong>daegal's dad</strong>: doyoung hyug taeyong hyung jaehyun hyung your the self proclaimed culinary genius help me out here</p><p> </p><p><strong>yong to my doie</strong>: uh oh wait i actually know this omg</p><p> </p><p><strong>pwark maknae</strong>: to make it extra virgin make it a reddit account where it only talks about how Taratino is the greatest director and doesn't have a foot fetish</p><p> </p><p><strong>jeffrey star</strong>: how do you even know that much about that-</p><p> </p><p><strong>pwark maknae</strong>: idk honestly</p><p> </p><p><strong>yong to my doie</strong>: virgin/extra-virgin/regular basically just refers to its color which essentially is just how much they press the olives to get the oil</p><p> </p><p><strong>daegal's dad</strong>: so what, the darker it is the more virgin it is?</p><p> </p><p><strong>yong to my doie</strong>: i believe so</p><p> </p><p><strong>daegal's dad</strong>: inch resting</p><p> </p><p><strong>group braincell</strong>: why do you even care that much</p><p> </p><p><strong>daegal's dad</strong>: guzzled down like half a bottle of extra virgin olive oil and then hyuck hyung told me it would turn me into a virgin again</p><p> </p><p><strong>yong to my doie</strong>: there is. so much wrong with that sentence.</p><p> </p><p><strong>group braincell</strong>: 1. why did you drink straight fucking olive oil </p><p><strong>group braincell</strong>: 2. you believed him??</p><p><strong>group braincell</strong>: 3. WHAT DO YOU MEAN A GA I N?????</p><p> </p><p><strong>daegal's dad</strong>: okay so renjun said i couldn't so i proved him wrong and i got 10 bucks out of it</p><p> </p><p><strong>group braincell</strong>: YOU ARE?????? RICH??????</p><p> </p><p><strong>daegal's dad</strong>: yeah but 10 bucks</p><p><strong>daegal's dad</strong>: also why you so pressed i'm literally turning 21 in november </p><p> </p><p><strong>jeffrey star</strong>: yeah but who wanted to fuck YOU</p><p> </p><p><strong>pwark maknae</strong>: </p><p> </p><p><strong>daegal's dad</strong>: </p><p> </p><p><strong>group braincell</strong>: park jisung.</p><p> </p><p><strong>pwark maknae</strong>: yessir</p><p> </p><p><strong>group braincell</strong>: run.</p><p> </p><p><strong>pwark maknae</strong>: on it!</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>idk what this is or waht i'm doing half the time i'm illiterate sorry byeeeeeeeee</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>sigh- </p><p>i'm sorry i made you read this abomination with your own eyes</p><p>also in case it wasn't obvious, doie to my yong is doyoung, yong to my doie is taeyong, and group braincell is kun. the other ones should be pretty obvious</p></blockquote></div></div>
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